On the Road Again

So, I'm in the airport in Halifax, Canada, with free wifi (praise him), waiting 3 hours for my next flight which will take me back to the enchanted lands of Great Britain.

That didn't take long, am I right?

I know what you're thinking. Didn't I just get back? I live in New York, right? Am I ever there? What am I doing in England AGAIN? Great questions. Allow me to shed some light on that.

Remember a couple posts ago (like... lots of posts ago) I mentioned that my a cappella group from Oxford was going to be singing at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival? Yah, we are. It's too cool. Back when I originally mentioned the Fringe, I was under the impression that it would be impossible for me to join in on this  getaway. However, my wonderful parents thankfully talked some sense into me and made me realize that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that i couldn't pass up....and that eating ramen noodles for a year in order to pay for it would totally not be that bad.

So here I am-eccomi! as they say in Italian- waiting in the airport. Waiting to go back to the land of castles and princes, amazing public transportation and enchanting accents and most importantly, sheep!! So cool.  I should be so pumped, right?

I am. And yet...

I  heard this song on the radio the other day and it put words to a feeling that has been squirming in my heart lately.

"One more [post] about moving along the highway. Can't say much of anything that's new. If I could only work this life out my way. I'd rather spend it being close to you" (So Far Away by Carol King)

For the most part, when I tell people about my adventures and my travels their reaction is comparable to "Oh my gosh that's the coolest thing ever! You're so lucky! How awesome! I hate you but that's so awesome!"

I agree with people who tell me it's awesome, but I can't help in those moments to think also about all the collateral damage of my traveling.

As a result of living in so many different places, I have met and fallen in love with so many people who are always "just so far away." And I don't just mean fall in love in a romantic sense. I mean that I have invested my heart and soul into people who have invested in me and changed my heart and life as a result.  These people who I love so much that I'd give my life for their happiness are always so far away. And they're all in such different places that even when I'm traveling to be with some of them, I'm leaving others behind me with tears and good-byes.

I don't hate traveling. I love it, I do. And I'm so thankful for this opportunity to travel again, but "if I could only work this life out my way, I'd rather spend it being close to you," all of you who've stolen my heart and made anywhere without you feel not quite right.

I'm leaving again. Leaving all I love about Rochester and Boston. But I'll be back. Only to once again leave all that I love about England behind me. It doesn't seem like there's a way to win in this one...but a good (and brilliant) friend of mine once told me that when I find myself in a lose-lose situation, I've created a false dichotomy for myself. Maybe I've just gotta keep working towards finding a way to win. Maybe just maybe someday it won't be so hard...

But for now, I'll just continue to juggle my uncontrollable excitement for my upcoming adventure with the grave sadness that accompanies inevitable good-byes...